When I was young, I always wanted three kids. I didn't have a good reason, I suppose I just thought three was a good number. My first child Oscar was born and I have to admit, my world as I knew it seemed to be turned upside down. Don't get me wrong, I was so thankful to be a mum and I quickly realised the true meaning of unconditional love. However, for the first three months of Oscar's life he did not sleep much and I learnt just how difficult sleep deprivation can be. I also didn't realise how isolated I would feel, such a strange emotion especially considering I had this incredible little human in my life who I loved dearly. I was stressed, often doubting myself and never sure if what I was doing was "correct". I tried to stick to a strict routine, I felt I needed some direction and guidance. Two years later Dahlia was born and my approach completely changed. From my experiences with Oscar, I learnt I needed to relax and trust my instincts. As a second time mother, I felt I was more prepared and started embracing the term "whatever works".
While Oscar and Dahlia were young, my life was very busy with them and often chaotic, and so I believed two children was the right number for our family. Then as they got older and started becoming more independent, I was missing my "babies" and I watched my in laws with their many grandchildren and fantasised about myself with plenty of grandchildren of my own. Whilst it is often madness in our house with Oscar and Dahlia, I love them more than life itself, they delight me every day and I count my blessings that I am able to be a mum to these amazing kids.
So, I started considering a third. One comment a friend made stuck with me: 'you never regret the kids you have!' We decided if we didn't have another baby we would probably regret it and so decided to dive in! When we told the children we were expecting a baby, their reaction was one of pure delight, overwhelming excitement. Dahlia even picked flowers for the baby and rubbed my tummy telling him she loved him. However, whilst I was pregnant, I was a little bit nervous about the prospect of three children. Both Oscar and Dahlia were now in school, and I could spend much of my time working on projects for myself. Also, I was nervous about how our baby might change the dynamics of our family, I worried I would not have as much time for Oscar and Dahlia and that they may resent the baby.
Then Harvey was born. I need not have had any of those concerns. Both Oscar and Dahlia have completely embraced him. They love him so much and enjoy all the special moments. He delights them with his smiles and giggles and you can see his face light up when they are around him. The love and bond between them is so beautiful to see. Yes I am busier than before but I am so very thankful we decided to take the plunge! With Harvey I am now confident in myself as a mother, do not stress as much and am much more calm and relaxed. I am so thankful for all three of my children, they are the light in my life and I see them as my angels, the very best gift anyone could have.
Will I have a fourth? We will see...
I will write about my birth stories and breastfeeding in future posts. If you have any questions, comments or feedback I would love to hear from you.
Thank you to the following: